What do you do when you realize it’s time to let an unhealthy relationship go?

Recently, I was faced with the fact that a person would never be what I wanted them to be.

Instead, I hoped I waited. I prayed, I tried to love them.

I tried to make them like me. And in the end, I’ve just realized that I can’t make anyone like me.

You can’t control what people think about you.

And I really wished that this would have been a relationship that would have been nurturing and loving and a good relationship, Instead it was an unhealthy relationship. I had always imagined with this person that it would be a wonderful relationship.

And I feel like this is still part of my healing,  is letting this unhealthy relationship go.

 It’s been over two decades. I waited and waited wished and learned that to  hope you need evidence of hope, and without evidence that things are changing, it is only a wish.

So for over two decades with no change, I had only wished.  I had a waited and waited on a wish.

Sometimes it looked like they were changing, and I’d let my guard down, but then came the crushing blow that showed me they  hadn’t changed at all. I opened myself up again and got hurt once again.

And finally, I came to a place where I just could not take the hurt or abuse anymore. I cried out to God. And it was in this time, among other things that were happening is that the Lord helped me realize that I cannot change this person.

There is nothing I can do to make them not be my enemy. And only the Lord can change them if they let Him.

 He showed me that I could not spend any more time waiting and hoping for this unhealthy person to be something that they are not and have never been. The Lord showed me that he’d put other people in my life and  to focus on them.

 He led me to people to help me through grieving this unhealthy relationship, setting up boundaries and moving forward. It was a sad, but necessary ending to this relationship that was causing harm to me and to my family.

We knew that we had done everything that we could, we had tried and tried and tried, but there just was no change and it’s very sad, but the Lord is carrying us through.

We had confronted, as the Bible talks about confronting a person and bringing someone with you. We had done all of that and more, and it just came to a time when we just had to walk away.

And I realized that I wasn’t seeing this person as they really were. I was seeing them through the lenses of what I wanted them to be. And it was causing me more hurt.

There is something that I had to do in letting this person go; three things that I did that I want to share with you.

Prayer Number 1: Give God What You Wanted

And the first is to give the Lord what you wanted. I said, “Lord, I wanted this relationship to be completely different. I wanted this person to love me. And I wanted to love them back.

I wanted them to receive my love, but they never did. I wanted this person to accept me and instead they rejected me. I wanted so much more with this person,  and it’s something I should have been able to expect because of the title that they held.”

 So I just told the Lord what I wanted.

Prayer Number 2: Forgive Them for Not Being Who You Needed

The second thing I did is I forgave the person for not being what I needed them to be. I said, “Lord, I forgive this person for holding the title that they did and not being what I needed them to be. I release them into your hands, they are your burden and not mine. I surrender them to you now.”

Prayer Number 3: Ask for Healing

And the third thing I did was I asked the Lord to feel the empty places, the void that this person left in my life. And I said, “Lord, I invite you into these empty places this person left in me. And I ask you to fill every place in me with You. I ask for Your healing touch in my life and I ask You to move in my life and bring Your healing Balm to my heart.

Lord, I ask that you would heal every wound, every place where I was crushed because I let myself be vulnerable in the hope, in the wish, actually in the wish that they would be different.”

What About You?

And I thought of you, dear sister, as I was sharing this today, I thought of you. And I wondered if you have ever dealt with a relationship where you wanted something so badly to be different.

And then finally the Lord says it’s been enough. It’s been enough time where the Lord has given them places to change, and they have not. And it’s a sad thing, but there are places where there are necessary endings in our lives.

There are places where we need to set the boundaries and surrender these people to the Lord.

Prayer

And I just wanted to say a prayer for you today. Lord,  I pray for my sister in Christ, that if she is facing relationships in her life that have disappointed her, that you would come in and fill those empty places and heal the wounds within her.

Thank you that You are a great shepherd, and as we follow You, You will lead us to what we need. Give her new, healthy relationships around her In Jesus’ mighty name. Amen.

Thank you for listening to Abide in Jesus. You can find show notes for this episode at Carolynsbooks.com. Do you know someone who you feel would enjoy Abide in Jesus, share the love and send them a link to this episode.