It seems, in the last few months, our world has simply fallen apart.
For me, it started in February, when my brother asked if I was home because he needed to come over. He wouldn’t tell me why.
When I opened the door, there was my brother and two of my nephews, and I could tell by the looks on their faces everything was not ok. They had come to tell me in person that my fifteen-year-old nephew had taken his life.
The news absolutely shook all of us.
We had questions for God.
Why didn’t He prevent it? Why didn’t He warn us in some way Cameron was feeling like this? Why?
The next month seemed like a whirlwind.
And then, I found myself at the funeral home, staring down at my precious, lifeless nephew. My brother fell into the chair next to me and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. All we could do is hold him.
We grappled with the questions. What could we have done to stop this? How did we not know? And Why?
We spent time in reflection, asking questions and seeking help from our Pastor.
My Pastor’s advice to me was to not write for anyone else right then, but to write for myself, to journal my feelings and to deal with the pain.
And then the rest of the world fell apart in March.
Slowly, with God’s help, we have pulled ourselves back together, but not without the brokenness and questions that will never be answered.
I took a break from everything. No writing or emails. Nothing but sitting at Jesus’ feet for a while and letting Him speak to my heart.
And it did help. It did not change that my nephew is gone, and we will never quite understand, but it did help to seek comfort from Jesus.
When your world has fallen apart, what do you do?
I have learned, all you can focus on at times is the next moment, the next minute or the next hour. Sometimes you can feel so out of sorts you can’t even remember what you’re supposed to be doing.
Here are a few things that have helped me.
Take a deep breath.
Know that the Lord gives you your very breath. In Him you have your being. Breathe out the distress, anger, and pain, and put it into God’s hands. Ask Him to help you through this. Don’t be afraid to feel your feelings. But know that God has you in His hands, and He loves you. He will carry you through this.
Seek Refreshment
Ask the Lord to speak to you through His Word. There are times though, that we are in such shock that we can read the words on the page, yet not comprehend them at all.
That’s when you ask that the Lord would speak His word to you through a person. Ask Him to send some encouragement and comfort your way. He is faithful.
Journal
Just as my pastor suggested to me, do some journaling. Just let the words and feelings pour out of you. Tell God how you are feeling and let yourself feel those feelings and process and address the things going on inside of you.
When it seems the world has fallen apart, hang onto Jesus, because He truly Is the one who never changes and will carry you through all your pain and fears. He is the one who will comfort you, encourage you and help you through the next moment, the next hour, the next day.
He sees your tears, and He hears your prayer, and He is there to answer your heart’s cry.
In His love,
Carolyn
